lostfleurdumal

I hate first times. Not because my partner is not up to my expactations, but because I feel unable to enjoy them.

I know those are supposed to be priviledged moments one remembers even years after and that feeling them again is the number one reason for cheating.

But I can't help feeling uneasy in such occasions. There is something with me which disgusts me when I feel the naked body of my partner on mine for the first time.

Being sincerely in love, being strongly sexually attracted to the person won't help. The first time I see him naked in front of me, I just see a big amount of cold flesh. And when the steak finally lies on me, covering my nakedness with his heavy and coldish piece of meat, I feel uneasy, even slightly disgusted.

This weird feeling vanishes with time. It still ruins my "first times". And I wonder why I feel so uneasy with naked body. Especially given the fact that when seeing a naked (or almost naked) body in other circumstances, I don't feel like this. For instance, if I lie on my boyfriend on the beach while both of us are wearing a swimmsuit, and before making love with him for the first time, I feel ok.

This is another aspect of my weird person. One of the many things which contribute to this weird character traits of mine: naughty, sometimes horny, feeling like being kinky, but often cooled down to frigidity by such weird phenomenons.